MeMadeMay 2020 Day 12
“MeMadeMay (2020) day 12. On that no-makeup train for the millionth day in a row. I made the grey top from a StyleArc pattern last May, as a test before making one for my client. We’re close-ish in size, (I’m a little wider all around) but I prefer my clothes substantially more fitted than modern style dictates, so I figured it would be an ok gamble, plus I really needed to know what sewing with an indie pattern was like, since I’d never used one before. Unfortunately, it’s quite tight across my shoulders, but it’s still cute enough for short outings, and every outing is short in quarantine. Bonus make: the belt, again. Wow, do I love this belt.”
Top is (was) a StyleArc Dimity top in mystery fabric from the Textile Discount Outlet. Belt is Butterick 4497 from 1975(ish) in rust microsuede, also from the Textile Discount Outlet.
I find myself feeling very divorced from pretty much everything related to sewing and making lately. I’ve felt that way for years, actually, and I’m reasonably certain that I’ve said this exact thing in future MMMay posts. It’s not just sewing, it’s knitting, photography, anything you could consider something that I do for myself. There are a lot of reasons for that. Lack of space, lack of money, lack of energy. It’s difficult to justify making new things for yourself when your whole life is just a giant, overwhelming game of Tetris.
I do get rid of things (I no longer have this grey top), and things wear out or are destroyed (MOTHS). I’m actually kind of nervous for this May, I feel like I’m very much back at the beginning, where I have nothing reasonable to wear at all. But when I think of trying to fix that, even though I know I enjoy the process and even though there is a part of me that is *yearning* to do something nice for myself… There’s this huge piece of me that’s just convinced that I’ve forgotten how to do everything. That I’ll never be able to do it again. That I’ll just ruin everything I touch. That there’s no point.
I promise, I’m trying. But it’s not easy.
